it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
