Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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