So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
