# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
