wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
