she woke up with a sticky ear
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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