there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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