I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think your dad took our porno
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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