i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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