Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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