all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
