I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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