I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
