SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
