He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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