And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
