Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
