Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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