spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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