Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize