she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
