Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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