Will you blow on my dice?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
