Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
