Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He felt like a one man threesome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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