youre lurking in front of me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize