I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
