They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
