you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
