New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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