wrigley field is MILF paradise
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
