I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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