I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
