stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
