I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
