just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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