i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
