when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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