Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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