she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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