I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
