i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
