He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
