Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
