My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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