We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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