oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
