chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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