You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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