ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
