I cannot find my penis.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
