She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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