It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
