just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
