I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
