if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
