Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
