i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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