: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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