Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
