i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My life is pants optional.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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