Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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