Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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