I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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