he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
