so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
