soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize