R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
