I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
