Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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